Why Are We Still Mean-Girling in Our 40s? (And What That Actually Reveals)

We’re tired. We’ve lived some shit. And yet… sometimes, we still throw daggers at each other in the form of laughter, exclusion, or side-eye shade.

You’d think that after surviving heartbreak, hormone shifts, motherhood, trauma, identity breakdowns, career chaos, grief, and the absolute shitstorm of recent years, we’d know better than to turn on each other.

But it happens. Even in spaces meant for softness. Even in circles built for healing. Even — heartbreakingly — when someone desperately needed to feel safe.

I’ve seen it. You’ve probably felt it. That old energy that creeps in and whispers: “It’s easier to belong if someone else doesn’t.”

The truth is, “mean girl” behavior doesn’t disappear with age — it just appears a little differently.

But here’s the thing: Behind that behavior is often someone who hasn’t yet healed.

Because unkind doesn’t come from power. It comes from disconnection. Disconnection from self. From empathy. From the inner child who was once the target.

So what do we do?

We call it out — not to shame, but to hold accountable. We create spaces where that behavior isn’t tolerated, but it’s understood for what it is: a signal that someone needs healing, just like the person they harmed.

We stop laughing at things that hurt people. We stop letting discomfort become cruelty. We stop making connection a competition.

And we remember: We are not here to be cool. We are not here to be perfect. We are here to be real.

We are here to rebuild a sisterhood that doesn't leave bruises.

So if you’ve been the one excluded, mocked, or dismissed — I see you. You didn’t deserve it. Your softness is not a weakness. You still belong here.

And if you’ve ever caught yourself in the role of the aggressor — I see you too. You are not broken. But it’s time to look inward and ask what part of you needs love, not a laugh.

This isn’t middle school. This is sacred ground. And we don’t burn our sisters here. We lift them.